Japanese Wedding Traditions

John Haddick

John Haddick, age 86, of Edina, MO, ex Royal Air Force and London Metropolitan Police Officer after a short illness passed away Thursday, August 4, 2011, at Ethicus Hospital in Grapevine, Texas.  He was born November 18, 1924, in Cappawhite County, Tipperary, Ireland.

He was united in marriage to Mary Teresa Barry September 5, 1951, in Liverpool, England and she preceded him in death on June 29, 1952.  To this union one daughter was born.

On July 17, 1958, in Cappawhite County, Tipperary, Ireland, he was united in marriage to Bernadine Cecilia Schlepphorst and she preceded him in death on November 4, 2008.

John was also preceded in death by his parents, Edward Haddick and Josephine O’Brien Haddick, one granddaughter Angela Krahn, seven brothers and sisters, Thomas, Edward and William Haddick, Josephine Mullins, Sister Celestine Haddick, Alyce Haddick, Jeanie Haddick-Flynn and one nephew Peter Downey of Liverpool, England.

Surviving are one daughter Mary T. Butler and husband Virgil (Sonny) of Trophy Club, TX, nephews Kevin Haddick-Flynn of London, England, Stephen John Downey of Liverpool, England, Brendan Downey of Hastings, England, and Eamonn Mullins of Dublin, Ireland, nieces, Monica, Geraldine and Dolores Mullins of Windsor, England, Josephine O’Sullivan of Cork City, Ireland, Margaret O’Shea of Cork City, Ireland, Marie O’Sullivan of Dublin, Ireland, niece and god daughter Mary Carmel Downey of Liverpool, England and Celestine Nae Mullins Crutchfield of Boston, MA

 “To a wide circle of friends in two continents the name John Haddick is one to conjure with. His background, career and attainments were altogether rare. Born in the Twenties in the Emerald Isle, he came from a family which embraced both of that country’s historic traditions - the Orange and the Green. His mother was from a family of strong nationalist sympathies and played a part in the country’s struggle for independence. In contrast, his father’s family was of old Unionist stock which had settled in Ireland during the 16th century plantations. But the twain did meet, married happily, and produced a strong and healthy family of which John was eighth sibling and youngest child.

His career was as diverse as his background. A fighter pilot during the Battle of Britain in 1940, he was one of those to whom Winston Churchill referred when he memorably said: “never in the course of history did so many owe so much too so few”. He later fought under General Slim in the Burma Campaign and was to the fore in the famous “Operation Dracula” - when the British forces successfully attacked the Japanese garrison at Rangoon.

A Japanese Wedding Seating Plan

A traditional Japanese wedding seating plan is complex and fundamentally hierarchical in its layout. ‘Kamiza’, the Japanese term referring to the top seat or place of honour within a room, is the warmest, most comfortable seat placed furthest from the door (this refers back to the Japanese feudal period where this position was warmest, and safest from attack). Historically, people’s status would be shown by the height of the mat that they sat on. However, as flat ‘tatami’ matting became more affordable, the actual seating position became the most important indicator of social hierarchy.

In line with this cultural formality, a Japanese ‘Kekkon Hiroen’ (wedding reception) sees much care and attention paid to guest’s seating arrangements, in order that no one be offended by the implied status of their seating position. The order of seating is organised corresponding to the guest’s age, social position and their relationship with the couple, with the people sitting closest to the bride and groom as the most important guests.

Seemingly contradictory to the Western sense of status, the bride and groom’s family often occupy the least important positions within the seating plan, near the exit or kitchen door. By offering the best seats to guests, the family is seen to demonstrate humility and humbleness. The bride and groom’s boss and teachers are considered of high status. Although the tradition of arranged marriages is now dying out, also often sitting on the most important seats was the ‘nakudo’ – the couple who arranged the bride and groom’s marriage. Contemporary weddings see the guest who acted as matchmaker between the happy couple take this position at the reception.

In a Western or Buddhist style Japanese wedding, a sake ceremony is often performed at the wedding reception. ‘San-san-kudo’, or the sharing of sake, is one of the oldest Japanese wedding traditions. Demonstrating respect for parents and the creation of a new family bond, the groom takes three sips of sake from three different cups, followed by the bride. The sake is then offered to the family – first the groom’s father, then his mother, the bride’s father, then her mother.

Another beautiful tradition sees the bride and groom lighting a candle at each of the guest’s tables, signifying their wish to share warmth and light with their guests. Japanese weddings can involve tea ceremonies – although these are similar to the Chinese tea ceremony seen previously (as they both originate in Zen Buddhism), they have diverged over time and are now significantly different. The Japanese ceremony is quietly reflective, focussing more on the hospitality and Zen principles of harmony, respect and purity.

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