Stephanie Seymour Pics

I'd Call the Cops on My Kid in a Hot Second

This fracas comes on the heels of an earlier controversy, when some pretty racy pictures were taken of Steph and her son on vacay at the beach, kissing and acting couple-ish. I don’t know any teenage boy willing to go skin-to-skin with his mom (ack!) in a bikini (eww!) which then causes his boy part to get stiff (oh yuck!) But we’re all misconstruing it, they insist, and so I move on. Anyway, when police showed up, they described the family as peaceable and civil, but nothing says dysfunction like the boys (and girls) in blue showing up to straighten out a tiff between you and your kid. If dialing 911 ever comes into play, the situation has officially spiraled out of control.

It’s not that I call her onto the carpet for doing it. I just wonder at what point I myself would run to a phone if my daughter and I were having an argument. I’m pretty sure that if it ever happens, both the parent and the child need to expect the relationship to be awkward — or at least different — from that moment on. But it’s pretty pitiful that law enforcement is increasingly becoming a mom and dad’s go-to protection against their own kids.

Rather that than end up like the Florida parents whose son, who is also 17, bludgeoned them to death with a hammer, then hosted a party for dozens of people in the living room. The only thing separating his guests and the bodies of his dead mom and dad was a locked bedroom door. Now that’s just hellishly scary. What in the name of all that’s basic human nature would compel you to pick up a household tool and attack your parents with it? Mental issues or not: that is one brutal, trifling way of killing anybody, let alone your own folks. And, at the very base of it all, it’s a super personal way to attack anyone. I mean, you’re being splattered with blood, hit with matter, hearing all of the noises because you’re only a few inches away. On your own mother and father? Ugh. Sorry, too much crime TV has made this picture all too vivid in my mind. And to make things even more worse — not that they can be — getting bashed in the head means they were probably very aware of who their attacker was. I just feel horrible for them. It’s not even that this Florida story is an isolated case. North American teenagers are losing their ever-loving minds period.