Helping or Enabling? A Fine Line When Dealing with OCD

Parenting for me has often involved following my instincts and using good common sense. Whether it was telling my 15-year-old daughter that she could not go to the co-ed sleepover, or encouraging my shy child to invite a friend over, I seemed to have a pretty good handle on things.

But when obsessive-compulsive disorder ( OCD ) joined our family and I continued to follow my instincts, all bets were off.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder is an insidious condition that is capable of tricking and deceiving not only the sufferer, but his or her entire family as well. When my son Dan returned home from his freshman year of college, he was dealing with severe OCD. He was home for about a month before heading off to a world-renowned residential treatment program, and during his time with us I just wanted to keep his anxiety levels down and make everything all right. That was my “mother’s instinct.” If Dan wanted to sit in a certain seat or eat only peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at midnight, I let him. If he needed to walk around the outside of the house multiple times before coming inside, I allowed it. Why not? What harm could it do?

Turns out… plenty. Family accommodation, for those who have not dealt with OCD directly, is when a family member participates or assists in the rituals of their relative with OCD. In short, they enable the OCD sufferer.

Some common examples of family accommodation include reassuring (continually answering questions like, “Will I be okay if I do this or don’t do that?”), altering a family’s plans or routine, and giving in to your loved one’s OCD-related requests. By accommodating in these ways, we are basically adding fuel to the fire. While we may help reduce our loved one’s anxiety in the short-term, we are, in the long term, prolonging the vicious cycle of OCD.

Some studies conclude that more family accommodation leads to more severe cases of OCD, and more distress among families. By accommodating Dan, I was inadvertently validating his irrational thoughts, lowering my expectations of him, and giving him no incentive whatsoever to fight his OCD. When my husband spent an afternoon shouting basketball scores to Dan in another room because our son could not look at the television, even I knew that was wrong. It was at this point that we realized it was time to go against our instincts. “You want to know the score, Dan? Then come watch the game!” was the beginning of our conscious attempt not to accommodate him.

Obsessive Love Disorder - News


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Helping or Enabling? A Fine Line When Dealing with OCD
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Is there a comparison between Obsessive Love Disorder and ...

Are stalkers suffering from a trait of obsessive love disorder? And what is the difference between obsessive love disorder and nostalgic love? (I know that there is more than one ? here, but after reading about them it seems to me that there is a lot of similarity between the symptoms of nostalgic love, obsessive love disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and emotional dependency. Are we really using a bunch of different terms for the same condition, or are these all diff in some way?

I think that not only stalkers, but those who won’t get out of a bad relationship, and those who won’t stop loving someone who has left them, are feeling obsessive love disorder.

Thinking it over, they all seem pretty much the same–though they are named differently. I imagine at the least, they are "cousins" to each other.

I am going through this very thing myself. I have never staulked a woman in my life, but I feel so in love with this woman I was with I can’t stop e-mailing her. I can’t stop calling her. I stop by her house in the mornings and after work. She has dumped me 12 times in twomoths. I want to jsut leave her alone, but I feel like I can fix things and I want to make it work. I know she loves me, she tells me so. So when do you know when it is time to just give up? How do you know the difference? I am confused and in trouble. Please feel free to e-mail me with any advice twigits@yahoo.com .


Twitter

ejaya Can't help it .. I love tweeting ! Think I have an "obsessive tweeting disorder" !!


Caroline Alice Wow I just love it when I take obsessive compulsive disorder screening tests online and it says I'm way over average and suffering.... Sigh.


Marcy Chin-007 *UpT* I love how my twitter family understands my OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER.. When I fuck up a sentence I beat up on myself


Katy Hillary @ I love you because you make me OCD (obsessive criss disorder) seem normal


Phoebe Barakat ♥ Lets be more than this.: Do you have OSD (Obsessive Seddie Disorder)? - love-porcupine:


Obsessive Love Disorder - Bookshelf

The Essential Guide to Overcoming Obsessive Love

The Essential Guide to Overcoming Obsessive Love

Set up a time to talk when both partners are prepared to work on finding a solution to the problem. Obsessive Love vs. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ...

Obsessive Love, When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go

Obsessive Love, When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go

OBSESSIVE JEALOUSY The persistence and depth of Hal's unfounded jealousy and ... of what mental health professionals call a "paranoid personality disorder. ...

Confusing Love with Obsession, When Being in Love Means Being in Control

Confusing Love with Obsession, When Being in Love Means Being in Control

A close and revealing look at the inner workings of people obsessed with their partners to the point of destroying the relationship on which they have come to ...

Abnormal Psychology

Abnormal Psychology

BETWEEN THE LINES Obsessive Love rchers found that the ,.in activity of ... approach have each been of help to clients with obsessive-compulsive disorder, ...

Fundamentals of abnormal psychology

Fundamentals of abnormal psychology

The Biological Perspective Partly because obsessive-compulsive disorder was so ... the »PSYCH« NOTES Obsessive Love One team of researchers found that the ...

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